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| A dedication to the fathers who raised grateful kids and build proud families. In memory of the inspirational patriarchs, weight of whose gratitude, we realize every single day! Happy Fathers Day |
Prologue
We tend to look at our childhoods
from our mother’s eyes. For most of us, the attachment to the Creator comes
naturally, while it needs a certain amount of growing up to really appreciate
the role of our other half!
But if you grew up in the India of
the 80s and the 90s, that gratitude also comes bearing the realization of how
much times have changed, for the better, of course.
I am going to make a few generalizations,
based on my knowledge, experiences and interpretations. Barring a few specifics, I
would expect them to be applicable to vast majority of Indian middle-class
households.
“The
complicated joy of being a father, is traveling two roads every moment-both
looking forward as I watch him grow up while glancing backward at the boy I once
was.”
An Indian father in those
decades, was a young man caught between two ideas of India. One was that of his
parents- who had seen and overcome times of national insufficiencies that had
made them naturally circumspect. The other, was his own, in which he, along
with his generation, envisioned breaking the socialistic cocoon of post-colonial
India and dream bigger than his parents ever did.
In a few years, in the new millennium,
this man, now a father of teens, was about to be introduced to another India – global,
rootless, loud, brash, brave and uncompromising. Imagine keeping up with the
times when the world changes around you, so dramatically, and so many times, in
a span of one-half lifetime! The paradox is akin to enjoying the calmness of Sunil Gavaskar
bat for 5 days, with Kishor Kumar playing in the background, immediately
followed by the shock and awe of watching an IPL Super Over to the blasting tunes
of YoYo Honey Singh!
Add to this, the responsibilities
of raising self-sufficient kids, building proud families, keeping up and
passing on parents’ traditions, maintaining a social standing and making a
professional career amongst all, and we may start to see your fathers in a new
light.
The illusion of joint-families
was still going strong when men of this generation became fathers. If we ever found
them lacking in expressions, especially of love and affection, this was a major
reason. It was not the norm to spend an entire evening with just your wife and
kids; one had to pencil in time for parents and social discourse. It was also unusual
to buy presents for just your children, and often, you had to entertain
the other kids in the house too! And remember, the circumspect parents
are still very much a part of their daily lives. So, spending money for
pleasure of any kind, was frowned upon, and often loudly so.
Another aspect of parenting that
often goes unnoticed is, professional lives. These men were fathers in a pre-open
market and sixth pay commission era. Their monthly salaries were a mediocre 4-digits,
part of which, once again, went towards joint families’ expenditures. But we
still got toys, didn’t we? Also, new bags, shoes, water bottles and stationery,
each school year. And somehow, there was still money left for Mathematics
tuition, if needed! Thinking of your father as a magician, yet?
But finance was not the only
aspect. If your fondest childhood memories of home, are with the women of your
household, there was a good reason for it. This was also a time when jobs, private or
government, did not acknowledge the significance of fatherhood. Hence, there
were no provisions for paternity leave, family leave or work from home. The
only savior were the LTCs (leave travel concession) offered by a few employers,
mostly banks, for paid family vacations. Of course, only annually though!
That generation chose jobs over
careers for the most part. Partly because, their elders, belonged to a guarded society
often seeking stability over ambition and they passed on that wisdom. But also,
because now, as fathers and parents, they sought the same stability for their
children. Hence, a transfer, even the ones that were byproducts of promotions, were
perceived as the biggest career challenge, especially in the middle of a school
year. A job switch was a strict no-no!
Another lesser appreciated factor
is language. This generation was mostly taught in vernacular but were forced to
make careers in English. They then raised a generation obsessed with, and often
judgmental about, English. Once again, they found themselves caught between changing
times, trying to impress their parents, peers and children, all at the same
time!
Epilogue
The Indian millennial (born after
1982) fathers have the luxury of being focused on just a few things in life. Make
no mistake in appreciating how this generation is changing the course of Indian
history by being resolute, industrious and unbelievably aspirational. But their
liberties as parents cannot be understated. The MNCs ensure that they now have both
money and time to start and raise a family. Society in its traditional form
does not exist anymore. Hence, the norms, expectations and obligations that it
brought along, have greatly been reduced as well. The biggest factor of all,
though, is parental support. Most couples now, cannot imagine starting a family,
without foreseeing uprooting their parents for months at stretch, to help with
the babies.
The challenges of our fathers were
not limited to their younger days. The battle is still on. Now in their sixties
and seventies, they are still trying every bit to be better in their new roles-
as grandparents! Trying to be more involved, more understanding, less overbearing
and sharing the burden (joy!) of raising families of their children. The modern
life now demands of them to be tech savvy as well. And, boy, are they winning on that front, or
what!
The doggedness, adaptation and prioritization
of our fathers is something to be inspired by. Their ability to learn new
things and explore new places while of reminiscing the bygone era, is astonishing.
While Mothers make homes, Fathers
build families. It is in their eyes, where we celebrate our successes and mourn
our losses, the most. It is the reassurance of having those eyes watching us
forever, cautioning us on every step and cheering for us when no one else would,
that saves us from ourselves.
May they always watch over us! Like my favorite photo below!
Amen! 
