March 24, 2012

I Look At My Grandfather And...

I look at my grandfather and I know

that health and youth are not everlasting, but courage and determination is

I look at my grandfather and I know

that families are not born, they are built

I look at my grandfather and I know

that it doesn't matter how much you got, but how many you have to share it with

I look at my grandfather and I know

that the wisdom and lessons for life that I could get from his bed time stories are far greater than any book or school would have ever taught

I look at my grandfather and I know

that he is a different generation altogether

Patient, regal, elite and exclusive


Past week my grandfather celebrated his 91st birthday. As a family, I realize how incredibly lucky we are to have him around. I scribbled these lines thinking about him and his effect on our family. May his presence continues to bless us for many more years to come.


March 16, 2012

The Prologue...

I am a different person when u see me in the day

Happy and busy

Keeping all emotions at bay

But there is something that keeps me up at night

I don't know if it's your memory or the hope of your sight

And though my story seems quite mundane and old

Simple, bland, common that needn't be told

I write it with just one desire

What I couldn't do in person

May be my words will transpire

Turns out, all one needs is sleeplessness and that one person to inspire

You, were that inspiration for me.

Some will accept it and some may fret

But everyone has that one song

Making our eyes wet

Reminding us, with whom we belong

You, were that song for me

There are a lot of people around

With whom I can laugh

But you and only you were the one with whom I could cry

And a man would never admit this

But to find "the one" like that is a persistent try

While people call it fate

That's how I define my soul mate

You, were that definition for me

With you gone, and the loss is hard to accommodate

I have come to realize

Though I know how to love, I can't get you to reciprocate

I may be hurt but not for once I resent

Just that I am a mere human

With a need to occasionally vent

And so I turned to writing and it feels cathartic and divine

Knowing what's lost was actually never mine

What's mine are my feelings

Which have come alive

Like a relentless emotional tide

This is a place with no present and

My future and past collide

This is where I found me

This is where I found you

This is where we realize

That I am you and

You are, me and my darkside

Image courtesy-

March 11, 2012

The Paradox

Sitting alone in my room, I fight with rational and irrational fear.

Fear of failure. Fear of future. Fear of the next moment. I feel weak and low.

The darkness of the night overtakes me as alcohol mingles with my blood.

Facing crossroads of life, I am confused which path to take.

My dreams parting from me, as does the smoke of this cigarette and the visibility of the invisibility is visible to me.

The difference between right and wrong seems diminishing and the answer itself becomes a question.

Struggling against hopeless odds and seeking help from the ideals of sadism, I feel like a dying man who asks death for long life.

I don’t know what went wrong, don’t know why it went wrong and don’t even know when it went wrong, but the certainty of uncertainty surrounds every move.

And here I exist, in this non-existent world, experiencing completeness of incompleteness and the only things I know are the surety of being unsure, reality of virtuality and the success of failure.


This is the second of the 2 posts that I decided to re-publish from my brother Abhinav’s collection. Once again, thank you brother for passing these onto me as your legacy.

The first post is here---> Iceberg


March 3, 2012


A heartfelt acknowledgement of the person who inspired me to write, my brother and former blogger, Abhinav Mathur. This is first of the two posts, written by him, which I am going to re-post on my blog as a way to thank him for helping me discover my inner-self and my true identity in blogging.


Finally, I have hit the iceberg.

The iceberg so big. The iceberg so cold. The iceberg so cruel.

And the worst thing is, what I can see, is just the tip. What scares me is the hidden part.

I, am the Titanic.

Started my journey as one of the desired commodity; started, as if it mattered the most.

But here I am.

Sinking. Shouting. Crying. Dying.

I am losing myself. I don’t know whether in the darkness of the night or the water, but the fact is, it has started.

My disappearance has started.

Soon I will vanish and become a part of this darkness.

Hungry darkness. Hungry for spreading itself.

To make everything dark. To make everything disappear. To make everything vanish.

Soon, there will be no me. No self. No conscience.

And what is more miserable is that despite of knowing, I cannot stop or control, what all has started.