The Paradox

Sitting alone in my room, I fight with rational and irrational fear.

Fear of failure. Fear of future. Fear of the next moment. I feel weak and low.

The darkness of the night overtakes me as alcohol mingles with my blood.

Facing crossroads of life, I am confused which path to take.

My dreams parting from me, as does the smoke of this cigarette and the visibility of the invisibility is visible to me.

The difference between right and wrong seems diminishing and the answer itself becomes a question.

Struggling against hopeless odds and seeking help from the ideals of sadism, I feel like a dying man who asks death for long life.

I don’t know what went wrong, don’t know why it went wrong and don’t even know when it went wrong, but the certainty of uncertainty surrounds every move.

And here I exist, in this non-existent world, experiencing completeness of incompleteness and the only things I know are the surety of being unsure, reality of virtuality and the success of failure.

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This is the second of the 2 posts that I decided to re-publish from my brother Abhinav’s collection. Once again, thank you brother for passing these onto me as your legacy.

The first post is here---> Iceberg

Image courtesy-www.baltic-review.com

Iceberg

A heartfelt acknowledgement of the person who inspired me to write, my brother and former blogger, Abhinav Mathur. This is first of the two posts, written by him, which I am going to re-post on my blog as a way to thank him for helping me discover my inner-self and my true identity in blogging.

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Finally, I have hit the iceberg.

The iceberg so big. The iceberg so cold. The iceberg so cruel.

And the worst thing is, what I can see, is just the tip. What scares me is the hidden part.

I, am the Titanic.

Started my journey as one of the desired commodity; started, as if it mattered the most.

But here I am.

Sinking. Shouting. Crying. Dying.

I am losing myself. I don’t know whether in the darkness of the night or the water, but the fact is, it has started.

My disappearance has started.

Soon I will vanish and become a part of this darkness.

Hungry darkness. Hungry for spreading itself.

To make everything dark. To make everything disappear. To make everything vanish.

Soon, there will be no me. No self. No conscience.

And what is more miserable is that despite of knowing, I cannot stop or control, what all has started.